Losing a spouse can be one of the most devastating experiences in life. The unique journey is often accompanied by a sense of loss that can be overwhelming.
In addition to leaving a hole in your heart, the sudden absence of a loved one can disrupt longstanding routines and a change in financial circumstances. – which can create further turmoil for the surviving spouse.
The emotional roller coaster.
When a spouse passes away, it is common to experience a wide range of emotions.
The stages of grief, as identified by Psychologist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, often include denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance. These stages can come and go in unexpected waves, making the process difficult to navigate. Allow yourself to cry, express your emotions and process your grief in your own way. There are no time limits or right or wrong way to grieve.
Money Matters
No one wants to deal with a financial crisis in the middle of grief. Yet quite often, the passing of the spouse who “Managed Everything” leaves the surviving spouse unable to manage his or her finances. Sometimes a significant source of income in also lost with the death of a spouse.
Please, if you are reading this column, talk about and plan for financial scenarios – before they happen.
Be ready to take over when necessary. Create a budget that accounts for the death of a spouse and discuss the ways the loss of income can be managed.
Build a Support Network
Surround yourself with loved ones, friends, or support groups who can lend a listening ear and provide the comfort you need.
Practice Self Care
If ever there was a time to prioritize your own well-being, it’s now. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Exercise, meditation, and spending time in nature can all be restorative and helpful in managing stress.
Give yourself permission to enjoy something new
Whether it’s a fresh hobby or a new passion, finding purpose outside of grief can be healing.
Adapt to a new normal
There is no timeline or one-size-fits-all approach for dealing with loss. However, as you pass through the new stages of grief you will slowly begin to adapt to a new normal.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE ON THIS JOURNEY. FOR HELP FIND A COUNSELOR, GRIEF COUNSELOR, GRIEF SUPPORT GROUP OR A COMPASSIONATE LISTENER.
Sheila Birnbaum’s professional career has been devoted to enhancing patient care. As the Director of the Patient Advocacy Program at Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital (RWJUH), Hamilton, NJ, she instituted numerous programs, many which received statewide recognition, including several prestigious rewards.
